Friday, January 06, 2006

the trouble

Last night was a stinker because I felt like a terrible mother. I did not only feel like a terrible mother, I actually was a terrible mother - shouting and yelling at Jerry because he was shouting and yelling at me. Hello - cause and effect. If I didn't shout at him, perhaps he wouldn't shout at me. Anyway, long story somewhat short, he cried himself to sleep while I sat in front of his door so he was unable to come out. This means that we didn't have our nighttime ritual of reading books and laying down together, something I know he cherishes a great deal. And I cherish it, too, because I love him so much. So I cried and cried about it. But I stood my ground at least, despite countless pleas from him through loud sobs of: "I wish you would change your mind." And I'll try today and every day henceforth not to shout so much.

After he was finally asleep I knit for a while, crying a bit about what had just transpired, and trying to clear my head. I swatched some of that new yarn I bought because although I started making a pretty scarf with it I realized that scarves are boring and I don't feel like knitting one. So I swatched and tried to imagine what I could make with it. Then I remembered that I have the yarn and pattern for a baby blanket and since I'm 32 weeks along I'd better get crackin'. So I cast on 130 sts and started the blanket, loving the heathery green yarn (#668 on the color card) more and more with each stitch.

I finally calmed down a bit and my eyes were starting to cross and it was almost 11pm. Normally I would go to bed but I wanted to watch my new DVD so I popped it in and watched the first two episodes, totally amazed at how totally amazing this show is. I always think I don't want to watch shows that I've already seen, but boy oh boy it was good. Once you know the ending you can really focus more on the fun stuff, like how totally amazing the show is. For example in the first or second episode Veronica and Wallace are flying a model airplane and it's just the coolest looking scene. Like it should be a movie. But it's tv. UPN no less! And I had totally had forgotten how Wallace and Veronica became friends. And how much of an ass Logan was. And a bunch of other stuff.

Jerry is now awake, so I'm going to try and be his friend today.

Have a lovely day.


Sarah said...

The last time I felt like the worst mother in the world was when there was a roadblock coming back from the Whole Foods, and the policewoman wouldn't give me directions, and Nella started wailing in the back seat - I drove, white-knuckled, for about 2 miles, yelling "Stop it, Just Stop it!" before I realized I was being an asshole and pulled over to nurse her.

H-SPO said...

i have half of an afgan out of #678 on the color chart. tom mcgreevy's first daughter lilly, also has a baby afgan out of #678. i will probably have half of an afgan forever.

btw, sarah and mandy, you are both not bad mothers.

Mandy said...

i remember the afghan (afgan???) you knit for little lilly, and its the inspiration behind this ditty i'm knitting right now. the pattern is a really simple eyelet thingy. every couple of rows there a bunch of k2tog/yo/psso sort of crap. i hope i don't end up with 1/2 of it.

H-SPO said...

afgan...hahahaha...the whole time i was typing i felt like something was a little bit funny. ha. ha. i'm so uneducated.

right now i have one afgan (afghan). meaning that i have two halves.

Mandy said...

uneducated at two of the best places of education in the whole damn country!

but really, does spelling matter? discuss.

H-SPO said...

speling deosn't mater att al.